EP153 The Room You're In Is Creating Your Future

This week on the Reinvention Era, we're talking about something that most people completely overlook...

The rooms you choose.

And I’m not just talking about the physical spaces, but also the conversations, the people, the energy and the standards you surround yourself with every day.

Because those things are never neutral.

They either reinforce the identity you've always had or they invite you into the woman you're capable of being.

In this episode I share what happened after hosting a private dinner with some incredible female business owners, why abundance always beats competition, and why your environment has a bigger influence on your future than another morning routine ever will.

We also dive into:

• Why identity is contagious.
• How your environment subtly shapes your decisions.
• Why some people become really damn uncomfortable when you grow.
• The difference between changing your habits and changing your identity.
• Why the right conversations can completely change what's possible for your life.
• How to become intentional about the rooms you choose.

If you've been feeling stuck, uninspired or like you've outgrown the people around you, this episode might explain why.

Remember...

You don't find yourself.

You design her.

Ready for a different room?

If you'd love to experience this in real life, I'd absolutely love you to join us at Be You Now, my live identity reinvention event in London on 4 September 2026.

It's a day designed to challenge your thinking, introduce you to incredible humans and remind you what's possible when you're surrounded by people who see your future instead of your past.

And if you're worried about coming on your own, please message me. I'll make sure you're looked after. Some of the best conversations start because you were brave enough to walk into the room.

If you have any questions BEFORE 5 August - on Wednesday 5 August 2026 at 7.30 BST I’m hosting a Zoom Room to go all in on behind the scenes. Find your backstage pass HERE.

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Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hello, hello, and a huge welcome, welcome back, or welcome to the Reinvention Era podcast. I'm Sarah Elizabeth, Queen of Reinvention, and my mission is to help women, predominantly women, mostly women, mostly women of certain age maybe, change their lives. That's the point. Only I don't do that by helping you change what you do. I do it by helping you change who you are, and specifically by designing the next level version of you and consciously creating who you need to be to get what you want, right? Win-win. And you know what? This week I've been thinking a lot about rooms. Now I don't mean literally the four walls around us, although I do low key love a bit interior design masters, but no, I don't mean the actual rooms. I mean the rooms that we choose to walk into, because those rooms influence the conversations that we have and the people that we spend our time with, basically the energy we repeatedly expose ourselves to, right? Because there's something I don't think we talk about enough, and that's the rooms you choose and the people you keep. They're never neutral. Every room either reinforces the identity you've always had, or it invites you into the identity that you're capable of growing into. And your choice in that really fucking matters, because whether you realise it or not, identity is contagious. It's catching, so it is. It's contagious. So that's what we're talking about this week, and it's been a lot in my mind because, as I mentioned last week, I'd hosted a small dinner. Oh, she did. Who even is she? It was a relaunch of everything in the ethos behind my brand, but more than that, it was it was a chance to bring together some incredible women that I'd met over the last few months, years, business owners and speakers, and that there were just women doing, oh my god, brilliant things, bloody amazing things in that. And at one point, I just kind of stopped and looked around the table and just thought people were laughing. They were chatting away, sharing ideas, introducing themselves to each other. But more importantly, they were giving each other so much support. Nobody was trying to outshine anybody else. Nobody was pretending they'd got it all figured out because there's anyone. Nobody was guarding their contacts like the state fucking secrets, you know. And actually, one of the guests there. She's actually another identity coach. Now, years ago, people might have expected that to feel so competitive. You know, like what if she takes business from me? What if she nicks my ideas? Yeah, all that kind of bullshit. But it wasn't like that at all. It didn't feel like that at all. Not for a second, because abundance isn't something you just post about on Instagram with a aesthetically pleasing picture. It's something that you demonstrate, that you show in real life. If someone else is brilliant, it doesn't make me less brilliant as she is brilliant, and so am I. If another woman succeeds, it doesn't reduce my chances. There's room for both of us. There's room for all of us, always, always. And actually, she's someone I'd love to work with in a collaboration because together we're even more fucking unstoppable. Quite frankly. But really, overall, I think the room reminded me of what kind of rooms I want to create because we've all experienced the shitty rooms of mine. I'm the opposite of that. We've all walked into those kind of events, particularly networking events, where everyone seems to know each other, and it's cliquey as hell, and the conversations feel so bloody forced, forced fun, and you've got people like looking over your shoulder, like scanning the room to see if there's someone more useful than you. And you leave wondering whether anyone even noticed you were there. You know, we've all been in those rooms where that comparison is way louder than connection, right? Where people smile with their mouths, but not quite with their eyes. You know, everyone's trying to prove something or trying to belong, and and you just leave feeling I don't know even poxy smaller than when you walked in. You know, we've all been there, right? I definitely have. Only the thing is, those rooms don't just affect your mood. They affect your whole identity because your identity is not created in isolation.

Sarah Elizabeth  05:49

It's constantly being reinforced by your environment. Think about it. If every conversation you're having tells you to stay sensible, oh, don't take any risks, even fucking potentially amazing risks. Stay sensible. You're probably going to stay sensible if everyone around you thinks that your dreams are unrealistic, completely fucking Dululu love that one. You probably begin questioning yourself if the people. closest to you roll their eyes every time you try saying, "Yeah, there she goes again", eventually you're going to stop talking about it, and that's not because you don't want it anymore, but it's because your inner world has learned what's safe, what protects you from possible rejection, what helps you belong and gets you some love and even validation? That's what your identity does. It doesn't just go, "What do I want?" It asks, "Who do people expect me to be?" And that that can become like a prison, a cage, and you know, quite honestly, one of the biggest mistakes I see people make when they're trying to reinvent themselves in any way, shape, or form is believing that they only need to change their habits, and they'll focus on all the routine. They'll get all the morning rituals, everything lined up. They get the vision boards out, productivity hacks coming out of the earbuds, and please look, please don't misunderstand me because I love me a bit of all of that, you know. But and because two things can be true at once, people will change all of that, and also never change the rooms they're in. Never change those rooms. They never change the conversations they're having. They never change the standards that they've completely normalised. And then they wonder why they keep like slipping back into that old version of themselves, wondering why the new habits haven't lasted, and imagine trying to become someone who believes she's worthy of charging premium prices when you're spending every day around people who tell you, "Oh God, that's ridiculous! Who'd want to pay that? Who'd Spend that." You're not going to do it. Imagine trying to become healthier when everyone around you just takes the piss about every positive change you make and just feeds you. God loves a feeder. My mother was a feeder. She taught me well. But you know, like trying to build confidence while everyone around you, your closest inner circle, constantly reminds you of who you used to be. It's fucking exhausting because your environment is constantly then pulling you back while you're trying to move forwards. It's like let me go, and you know before anyone panics and starts thinking I'm about to tell you to cut everyone out of your life, cut them all out. I'm not. I'm not right. And it's not about being ruthless. I ain't that mean, love. You know, we've all got those people, but it is about becoming intentional, and there's a difference-a massive, huge difference. Because the other thing is, and this one is uncomfortable as hell. In fact, I've written about this in my book. This turned into one of the things last week at the dinner, I I ended up starting to say quite a few times, "Did I mention I've written a book? And it's become like my tagline. So, did I mention I've written a book? And this is in my book. Anyway, it is uncomfortable as hell. That when you change, when you allow for that expensive and gorgeous growth, when you do that, some people won't like it. They really won't like it At all, and that's not because of you. It's not because you're doing anything wrong. It's because your growth changes your relationship with them. You become harder to predict, harder to control, harder to fit back into the role you've always played. Get back in the box, get back in the box, love. They don't know this new and improved version of you, and they're not sure that it works for them. You know, if you've always been the peacekeeper or the woman who never says no, or the fixer, or the the doer, or the one who makes herself smaller so that everyone else feels comfortable, that one day you start setting some boundaries. Go go! You stop apologising. You say no. You protect your time. You charge what you're worth. You stop rescuing everyone, and when you do all that, guess what happens? Some people ain't gonna fucking clap.

Sarah Elizabeth  11:28

Some people will call you selfish. You're so selfish. Some will likely make up all sorts of shit that suits their crappy narrative. All sorts of shit about you. Some people are going, you've changed, and you know what? Yeah, they're right. You have that whole damn point. And I don't know. I find it fascinating that people really celebrate growth so much. Like, oh my, it's amazing. She's growing. She's expanding all of that until your growth inconveniences them. Everyone loves a bit of personal development until it means you stop tolerating shitty behaviour that you used to part with, until you stop saying yes when they want you to, until you stop abandoning yourself and prioritising them anymore, until you stop making yourself available, 24 fucking seven, then suddenly you've become difficult. Difficult. You're too much. You are now. Oh, different. You're different. Oh, I don't know what it is about you. Different. Not in a good way. You know what? Actually, difference isn't always criticism? Sometimes it's evidence, it's proof that you're no longer living from the identity that kept you stuck in a place you didn't want to be anymore. And actually, in fairness, there is another side to this as well, right? Because sometimes people will resist your growth, push back against it because it forces them to look at their own lives, at their own shit. And if, like me, you've ever decided to stop drinking, you will know exactly what I mean. Jeez! Oh my god, it's wild. People become so uncomfortable, and they're almost trying to force you to have a drink. Shit, I and I haven't judged them. I don't judge anyone for drinking alcohol, but they're judging me because my choices ever so subtly shine a light on their choices that they're not ready to fucking look at, and that same thing happens with business, with health, with confidence, boundaries, relationships. Your reinvention can unintentionally become someone else's mirror, and mirrors ain't always comfortable as some of us know. And that's why courage is such an important part of identity, because there comes a point where you have to decide whose opinion carries more weight, whether that's the people committed to your old identity because it suits them, or the future you're trying to create, you know, and look for years I spent way too much time trying to make everyone else comfortable, trying to explain myself, trying to make sure nobody misunderstands me, trying to make it look good, trying to disappoint in one. Now find that I'm more interested in disappointing the right people than disappointing myself, and that's the lesson that's taken years to learn. I'm still bloody learning, you know. And actually, well, sort of think about I've always spent those years trying to be perfect. That's been another thing. Actually, over the last week, like many launches, not everything goes to plan. Life doesn't always life how you fucking want it, and there was a few hiccups, particularly tech hiccups, and things took way longer than I expected. There were moments where I actually questioned the insanity. You know those days where you think, "Oh God, my God, things just be straightforward, and you know we've all had them, right? But actually, that kind of those those points almost reminded me that like perfect ain't memorable, is it? People don't remember flawless. People don't remember perfect, but they do remember how you made them feel. They remember kindness. They remember laughter, Generosity, connection, just that oh energy. That's what lasts. That's what creates loyalty, and actually, that's what creates community around you. And it's also exactly, if I'm honest, what I want this event to be the Be You Now main event on fourth of September in London. Yes, there's going to be speakers. Yes, there's going to be brilliant content. Yes, you'll leave with a page of notes, with pages of notes. I hope, but honestly, if all you leave with is information, I failed. I fucked up. I want you leaving with conversations you can't stop thinking about, with introductions that become collaborations, partnerships. I want business friendships that are still going to exist years ahead of us. I want women who arrived on their own, leaving knowing they ain't on their own anymore. That's what I really want. That's what I want over perfection, over information.

Sarah Elizabeth  17:10

Because one conversation can change your business, one introduction can change your career, one room can completely change what you believe is possible for your own life. Have you ever realised that? And its nothing about the room. It's not because the room magically transform you, but it's because it normalises the identity that you've been trying to grow into. Suddenly, you realise, like, oh my God, women like you are doing it. Women your age are doing it, women with children, women who've changed careers-they thought they were doing it. Women who started late, who were fucking scared, who are still scared, who've doubted themselves, who don't have all the answers. And when you see that, so it shifts, and it's nothing about a new strategy. It's because you've seen the proof, and that kind of evidence that changes your belief, and your beliefs change your identities, and your identity changes your behaviour, and your behaviour changes your goddamn life love. That's why I'm so passionate about creating rooms like this. It's not because I want another event in the diary. The diary, quite honestly, for the rest of you is a bit bloody rammed. Let me tell you. But I know what happens when we find these right rooms. I've lived it. The rooms that I've walked into over the last year, couple of years, have absolutely changed me. They've challenged me. They've raised my standards. They've expanded my thinking to somewhere I didn't even know was bloody possible. They've introduced me to people that I never imagined I'd know, and actually, they've helped me realise that the next version of your life rarely ever arrives while you're sitting in the same room with the same conversations, thinking the same thoughts you've always thought with the same people you've always been around, that version of your life ain't going to appear when you've got that. Sometimes your next level identity is going to be waiting in a room you haven't had the courage to walk into yet. And so this week, I just want you to think about what rooms are you repeatedly choosing? Who are the people reinforcing your identity every single day in whichever way? Are they helping you stay who you've always been, or are they slowly calling you into the woman you're capable of becoming? Of being, because the rooms you choose and the people you keep, they're never ever neutral. They are always shaping who you believe yourself to be. Now, I would absolutely fucking love it if you got in the room for Be You Now on Friday, fourth of September at the Leonardo Royal Hotel in London Tower Bridge, absolutely fucking love it. And actually, also, if you're listening to this before Wednesday the fifth of August, 2026, I'm going to be hosting a behind the scenes experience, going all in on the questions you might ask, so I will leave the dates for both rooms in the show notes, online, offline, you know, in the room, in a virtual room, whatever. And also, I just really want to say, if anyone is really wanting to come and terrified of being on their own. Please, please, please, for the love of God, please send me a message and I'll get you sorted. Because sometimes, you know, we need a bit of an helping hand of courage until you build your own love, and that's okay. We've all done it. So that's it for me this week. But please remember, you don't find yourself. You design her, and part of that is looking at the room that you are choosing to be, my love. So until next week, when I will be back in your beauts, badass earbuds. Have an amazing, amazing week with loads of love. Bye.