EP121: The Christmas You Imagined vs The One You’re Actually Having

Hola,

This is the Christmas episode… but not the shiny, matching-PJ, chestnuts-by-the-fire version.

This is the one for the woman whose December feels different this year.

Quieter. Messier. More emotional. Less like the fantasy and more like real life.

In this episode of The Reinvention Era, I’m talking honestly about:

• the Christmas you thought you’d have
• the Christmas you’re actually having
• and why the gap between those two can feel emotional as hell

Because Christmas has a sneaky way of dragging up every expectation we’ve ever absorbed…

Who we thought we’d be by now.
What we thought life would look like.
The roles we’ve always played… the peacemaker, the hostess, the “good girl”, the one who holds it all together.

And for so many women, December becomes the ultimate identity check-in… whether we want it to or not.

In this episode, we go all in on…..

• Why Christmas hits your identity nerves harder than any other time of year
• How nostalgia, expectation, and emotional labour collide in December
• Why outgrowing old traditions doesn’t make you ungrateful (it makes you honest)
• The quiet grief and growth that can coexist at this time of year
• And how to reinvent Christmas without making it big, dramatic, or perfect

I also talk about….

• What it looks like to let go of Christmas expectations that no longer fit
• Why I’ve consciously chosen a Christmas that works for this version of me
• And 8 simple micro-reinventions you can use this season… no pressure, no pretending, no performance required

This episode is for you if:

• Christmas feels emotional, complicated, lonely, or just… off
• You’re tired of performing joy
• You’ve changed, but the traditions around you haven’t
• Or you’re somewhere between who you used to be and who you’re becoming

Because this Christmas might not look like the one you imagined… but it could be the most honest, aligned, and self-honouring one you’ve ever had.

You don’t owe anyone a performance.
You’re not behind.

You’re unfolding.

Merry Christmas

👑🎄

🔥 DOWNLOAD FREEBIES TO FUEL YOUR REINVENTION

📲 FOLLOW on Instagram and Facebook

🩷

Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  0:00  

Hello, hello and welcome, welcome, welcome to the reinvention era podcast, where we don't do perfect, we don't do polished, and we definitely do not do pretending everything is absolutely fine when you're like one mince pie away from muttering fuck off into the gravy. This is the Christmas episode, but not the jingly sparkly chestnuts on an open fire Christmas episode, the real one, the one for women who are sitting in December going, everyone else seems to have their shit together. And I'm here wondering why even my Christmas tree looks like it's having an identity crisis. So if that's you, you're my kind of person, because Christmas does have this funny way of like, holding up a mirror to who we are, who we've been and who we thought we'd be by now. And sometimes that mirror is soft and nostalgic and lovely, and sometimes it's like those god awful dressing room mirrors like in places like Zara, where you suddenly question every decision you've ever fucking made. So today we're talking about the Christmas you thought you'd have, the Christmas you're actually having, and why that gap feels emotional as hell, plus how this season, even if it's messy, quiet, chaotic, lonely, weird, can still Be a powerful, amazing chapter in your reinvention. So we've touched on it in the last couple of episodes, but let's get into it and just kind of name it out, right? Because December has this habit of dragging out every expectation we've ever absorbed in it, the fantasy movie Christmas. The everyone's happy and no one's arguing. Christmas. Do people have those? The matching PJ family photo Christmas, the lovely partner who buys thoughtful, gorgeous gifts that you don't actually have to secretly take back Christmas, the kids still little and excited and UN traumatised Christmas, the house full of joy and laughter and beautifully wrapped presents Christmas, and somewhere in there is probably the exact Christmas that you imagined you would be actually living by now. Maybe you thought you'd be in a different relationship, or even a relationship full stop. Maybe you thought you'd have a bigger family or a smaller one. Maybe you imagined a different home, even a different country. Maybe you pictured a version of you who was more, I don't know, more together, more content, more sorted, more something. Maybe you thought you'd wake up on Christmas morning being feeling peaceful and calm and emotionally regulated and not hungover from life. And then there's the whole identity thing. Christmas kind of connects straight into all of the roles we've ever fucking played in it, of the good girl who keeps the peace role, the hostess, who makes everything magical role, the mother who does all of the emotional labour and every other bloody labour. Role, the partner who creates the vibe. Role, the daughter who keeps everyone happy role, the woman who never drops the ball, even when she's juggling 42 flaming hot roast potatoes role. You know, so many of us grew up with the idea that Christmas is like the ultimate scorecard for whether you're doing life properly, and that is why this time of year hits so many identity nerves, because all of those expectations they were built around versions of you that don't exist anymore, or someone else's expectations. The point is, it's just that expectations, not reality. 

Sarah Elizabeth  4:33  

So let's talk reality. The Christmas you're actually having. Maybe there's an empty chair this year. Maybe there's more than one empty chair. Maybe there's a blended family juggle, or in law juggle. Maybe you're alone for the first time. Maybe the kids are at your ex's house. Maybe your house is quiet. There. Maybe house is fucking chaos. Maybe your house has no consumable water. Southeast water can go directly to hell. Yeah, that was personal. Five days, five days with no water. Try not flushing the loo when you've got crohns. Honestly, it should count as Olympic sport. Love. In all seriousness, I am only joking. We're all back to normal. Now, if you understand the Watergate shituation, anyhow, what else than the Christmas that you might actually be having? Maybe, maybe a tree looks like it's auditioning for trees with low self esteem. It looks more like it's homeless or something than belonging in Harrod's not the look she was aiming for. You know, maybe you bought yourself presents because no one else bloody will. Maybe you did every goddamn thing yourself again because you're the default human, apparently default adult. Maybe something just feels missing this year, or someone, whatever it is, Christmas just has this way of amplifying the gaps, but but it also has a way of getting real, like you're no longer living The Christmas you were taught to want. You were told you wanted. You're living the Christmas that belongs to this version of you, who is the one who has survived more than anyone sees. This is the Christmas of the reinventing woman, the woman who's in transition, the woman who is both grieving and growing, the woman who is both exhausted and evolving, the woman who isn't who she used to be, but maybe isn't yet who she's becoming, and that's allowed. That's human, that's enough. 

Sarah Elizabeth  6:56  

That's more than enough, actually, but the bit most people avoid is actually letting go of all those old Christmas expectations, because we carry old Christmas identities expectations like they're fucking priceless heirlooms we're not allowed to donate. We recreate all these old traditions out of some sort of obligation, we force ourselves to perform in these old roles that we've outgrown a long time ago. We cling to nostalgia even when it really fucking hurts. We try and make Christmas hashtag perfect, because at some point someone seemed to have told us that Christmas is somehow a reflection on our worth or something. But what if you don't have to keep any of that? What if you're allowed to let go of all of it? Let go of pressure to recreate Christmas that doesn't fit you anymore. Let go of the guilt of not meeting everyone's needs. Let go of the shame of wanting something different. Let go of the expectation that Christmas must be magical. Let go of the fear that letting traditions go means letting parts of you go, because ultimately, when your identity shifts, your Christmas has to shift and oh, it's not a failure, it's not a loss of tradition. It's not being difficult or not festive enough. It's just alignment. It's just growth. It's like the almost quiet, almost invisible, graduating from a life that you don't really belong to anymore, right? So let's get practical, because reinventing Christmas doesn't actually need to be big and dramatic. It doesn't need fireworks and a big announcement. Sometimes the reinvention is small, tiny, again almost invisible, but still powerful as hell. So I thought I'd give you a few micro reinventions as your gift this Christmas, you're welcome. So micro invent. Micro reinvention number one, one, guilt free. NO NO NO toasting, no to overspending, no to drama, no to the things that you've always done, but now absolutely dread, whatever.

Sarah Elizabeth  9:51  

It's a big fat no to just make it count with at least one no being completely guilt free, like. A monopoly. Get out free. God, use it. Whilst in my love, can have more than one, but at least one, right? Micro reinvention. Number two, we've had the one guilt free, no. So now how about one deliberate Yes, yes, yes, yes to rest, yes to quiet, yes to a walk on your own, yes to doing Christmas your way, whatever it looks like, make it a huge Fuck yes, yes, yes, yeah. Okay. Micro reinvention number three, find yourself a real gratitude moment, not the fake shit, not the I'm so blessed, but more that I'm grateful I can survive this year. If you listen to last week's episode, we talked a lot about this, like finding the diamonds in the muff and all that Watergate, but honestly, who you are in the crap times and how you show up when nobody's watching is the real reinvention. That's the real reinvention goal. So a small step towards that is literally finding at least one full on gratitude moment. Okay, micro reinvention number four, lower the bar to the floor. And I'm not talking about a family game of what's it called limbo, all sorts of shit might go it's wrong. Shit goes wrong what you expected it to do, at least wrong in your expectations, wrong to the way that you thought it would be. You know, like the turkey might be dry, the rapping might be chaotic, or shit, or in my case, with the broken arm, wrapping may be non existent, the kids will probably argue, someone will undoubtedly cry, someone will almost definitely bring a present that feels like a fucking insult that always happens. Let's treat it all the same, all expected, all normal, all absolutely okay. It's just what it is. Micro reinvention number five, make peace with your bandwidth. You are not obligated to be some kind of festive emotional support animal. End of if your social skills ran out before December even fucking started. It's okay if you've got zero bandwidth, it's okay. I can't pour from an empty cup and all that. Micro reinvention number six, gift yourself. Gift yourself a future self. Check in, give it to you pause and just check in with your version of future you and ask yourself, Who am I becoming in this season, in this era, and what does she need from me right now? And if you're not sure about a situation, picture future you with everything you could possibly want, and ask yourself, what she do? She say? Because future you is happening whether you like it or not, so you even make it what you want to be or you don't, but it's up to you. It's going to happen, so just check in with future you and make sure it is where you want to be. Micro reinvention number seven, for the love of God, give yourself permission to feel the full spectrum of Christmas, full spectrum of all of it, the whole shebang, sad it's allowed, grateful it's allowed. Lonely, hopeful, annoyed, it's all allowed, all of the above at once. Welcome to womanhood. It's all perfectly imperfect. Feel it all. It's all allowed. Allow yourself. Micro reinvention number eight, have a 60 second moment of presence just a minute. Whether it's a candle, pretty calming lights, it could just be quiet, finding escaping to your bedroom for five minutes. It. Even the chaos, you can find peace and presence in the chaos. Whatever one minute finds you just anchor into it for 60 seconds, focus on that one thing. 60 seconds. That's it. That's it. Make that your ritual. Make those, all of them, your micro reinventions. Because ultimately, like I said, Christmas shows you who you used to be, who you thought you had to be, who you are right now and who you're quietly becoming. It's not a test and a judgement. It's just like a mirror and a mirror that says you've changed, and you're allowed to let this Christmas be almost evidence of your evolution. My love, you don't need to pretend this December. You don't need to perform joy like you're going for an Oscar or something. You don't need to recreate something that doesn't work for you anymore. You just need to be you, the you who has made it this far, the you who is still standing, the you who's still dreaming, even if it's a bit damn quiet, you know so I guess the main thing I want to say this week is that this Christmas may not look like the one you imagined, but it might just be the most honest, most human, most aligned Christmas you've ever had, Because in this season, this era, you don't owe anyone a performance. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't need to pretend you take the masks off. You're allowed to want different things. You're allowed to let go of old versions of you. You're allowed to build a Christmas that feels like you now. Your worth ain't measured in matching PJs or perfect fucking table plans. Your worth is not measured by who's around your tree. Your worth isn't measured by how festive you feel. Your worth is inherent. It's unshakable. It's completely unaffected by December expectations. Remember, I said this last week, and I'll say it again. Fighting what happens doesn't unhappen it, as in, you fight with reality, you're going to lose all those expectations. They're just that. The expectations and narrative, what you've decided hashtag should happen. But if that's not what's actually happening, that's absolutely okay for me.

Sarah Elizabeth  17:53  

 This actual Christmas day, on 25th of December, I'm going to be all on my own the whole day. I think actually it's the first time ever it's been the whole day. I usually alternate between my two sons on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, because it's also my grandson's birthday on Christmas Eve. So this year, I'm with my eldest son and fam for Christmas Eve and my grandson's birthday. Ordinarily, I'd have gone to my other sons on Christmas day with my youngest granddaughter, but it's working this year. And you know what? That's okay, because we'll celebrate another day. We're going to celebrate another day. And actually, I deliberately hadn't told many people I'll be on my own the actual day, because they struggle with it, but that's their expectations, not mine. Couple of besties have been like, Oh, you must come to us. And that's lovely. It's really sweet, and I'm grateful for them, but I'm not doing it. I'm more than happy on my own. I've got a lovely food shop coming, being delivered with loads of goodies. I'll have face times with all the grandkids. I love my own company because I've reinvented myself that way. The expectation that I have to spend Christmas with people is just that. It's an expectation, but it ain't mine, and I let go of all these expectations and embrace my beautiful reality just as it is. Thank you muchly. And I'm telling you this because I really, truly want to land with you the Whatever it looks like this version of Christmas, as messy, as fucked up, as chaotic, or even maybe tender as it may be, it is all part of your reinvention, only you ain't falling behind. You're unfolding.

Sarah Elizabeth  19:49  

So whether your Christmas is calm or cosy or chaotic and complicated or just deeply, just no. Know this, please just know this, you are allowed to build a Christmas that feels like home. Home to you, not to everyone else. Too, gorgeous beauts. So I am sending you so much love for the week ahead and for a super amazing Christmas period slash holiday season. Thank you so much for listening and for being here. It really is a huge, huge gift to me. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you, and I will see you back in your beaut bad of earbuds again next week for the next early invention will be in Twixt must one of my favourite times. Loads of love. Have a good one. Bye.