EP111 Knowing When to Stop: Reinvention, Redirection and the Art of Walking Away

What if quitting isn’t failure… But actually the bravest move you make?

This week on The Reinvention Era, I’m pulling back the curtain on a decision that’s been brewing for a while… ending the Badass AF Book Club.

It’s been beautiful. It’s been heartfelt. And it’s been wildly unsustainable.

So I’m closing the doors, not out of fear, not because I didn’t try hard enough… but because sometimes the most aligned thing you can do… is just stop.

In this episode, I’m talking about the difference between fear and misalignment… and how to tell when you’re staying in something just because it’s familiar, or because you’re scared of what it means to walk away.

We cover:

• The train quote that changed how I see sunk costs (and might change your life)
• Why staying in the wrong thing too long will cost you way more than leaving ever will
• How to know when it’s time to stop, pivot, or burn the whole bloody thing down
• Why “doing the thing” isn’t the same as being in the thing
• The addiction to other people’s opinions (and how to rebuild trust in your own)
• What reinvention really looks like when you’ve got history, heartbreak, and a habit of putting yourself last
  
  

Whether it’s a business, a friendship, a job, a programme, or a relationship… If something's off right now, this episode is going to help you hear yourself again.

So if you’ve been circling a decision, doubting your instincts, or secretly Googling “how to know when to quit”, this one’s for you.

Listen now and let it land.

And please share on Instagram or leave a review if you have enjoyed it…. Forever grateful!

Love,

Sarah x

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Transcript

Sarah Elizabeth  00:00

Hola hola, and welcome back to the reinvention era, the podcast for midlife. Magic makers. Not even have to be midlife if you don't want to. But you know, if you're the quiet rebel, the one who wants to rewrite the rules without asking for a fucking permission slip, then you're in the right place. This week's episode is a little different. It's not particularly planned, it's not very polished, but it's very real, because I want to talk to you about knowing when to stop, not from burnout, not from fear, but because something just isn't aligned anymore. It's just not freaking working for you in the same way anymore. And I'm recording this off the back of making one of those big, deep belly, slightly heartbreaking decisions that also makes you want to vom in your mouth a little bit, I've officially closed the badass AF book club not because I didn't love it. I absolutely loved it. I believe in it 100% and the power of personal development books as an accessible way to turn your life around. I really do believe in that and love that for everyone, it also was not because it wasn't good, because it was bloody life changing for those willing to put the work into themselves, it was amazing, but I stopped because it was costing me too much, not money, but energy, time, clarity, space, and if I'm honest, I probably knew when I pivoted from divorce to reinvention back in July, but I wanted to give it a chance. I didn't want to end something that I love so much if I hadn't quite given my all for one last push in a new direction. And I guess all of that got me thinking, how the hell do we know when something is worth sticking out and when it's time to walk the fuck away? Because what nobody really talks about is that reinvention isn't just about what you start. No, it's also about what you stop. You don't need to have a fire before you leave the damn room. And let's be clear, nothing catastrophic happened here. You know, the book club didn't implode. There was no scandal, no backlash, but, but I was putting 10,15, hours minimum a week into something that was quietly draining me and not actually growing in the way I wanted it to, on top of everything else in my life, it was too much, and it wasn't giving me the space to really think about how I can make a bigger impact supporting women through this reinvention, through identities changes and growth, through knowing how to handle it when life you know, life's and the truth is, sometimes you know, actually amazing ideas can still have expiry dates. That's what makes it so fucking hard to let go. It's not always obvious. It's not always dramatic. Sometimes you just sat there midway realising you're dragging yourself through something that used to feel exciting, that used to feel freaking good, and you sort of think to yourself, is it just resistance. Am I just resisting this, or is it something deeper? Because this is where it gets very nuanced, and we do have to think about whether it is fear or if it's misalignment, because discomfort is part of growth. It is you can't avoid it. It's why it's called the comfort zone, because it's super damn comfortable, and we just want to stay in a little cocoon of comfort. So when we do try and grow, it's fucking uncomfortable, right? You. So sometimes we do have to question if we're resisting shit because we're bloody scared, or if we are actually in misalignment, which is something else entirely. Discomfort is like, I'm scared, but it matters, whereas misalignment is I'm drained and I'm done, and it took me weeks to figure out the difference, and I had to really ask myself, Is this just hard, or is this wrong for me, at least right now, and you've probably been there as well. Like, you know, maybe it's knowing whether to leave a job, you know, the money or the hours might be great, but you've completely outgrown it, if you're honest, and you dread every Monday morning like you're going to the fucking dentist, or when to leave a relationship that used to be so good, but slowly it's become so toxic. You know, deep down, it's bad for you, but because the decline has been so damn slow, you've almost normalised it. And there may also be fear around being on your own. Oh god, how will I manage all that shit? But you know, it's bad for you. Well, even if it isn't toxic, it's just not right for who you are now. Or it could even be in a friendship that used to light you the fuck up, but now leaves you exhausted, avoiding messages, being too busy to make a date, to get together, anything like that. The longer you sit in, the louder your body gets, almost you know it you start waking up with a bit of a tight chest, and you're breathing shallow, and you procrastinate more and you're tired. You feel so fucking resentful, not of others, but of yourself fucking self, because being down, you know, you know you're still showing up for something that doesn't fit you anymore. This is quote, right? I absolutely love, and I'm probably going to butcher it, but it's around, the longer you stay on the wrong train, the more it costs you to get back home again and again. It's not just about the money it might cost you, it's about the energy, identity and emotional bandwidth that you spend a fortune on staying somewhere you just don't belong anymore. And trust me, I spent years on the wrong fucking train before trying to make it work, trying to be grateful, trying to ignore the fact that wasn't even sure where the train was freaking going anymore. And what I've learned painfully, at times, slowly, repeatedly, is that you don't get bonus points for staying longer than you should now when and you're a gold medal for being the most loyal or the most patient or the most strong, or any other bullshit, all you get is exhaustion or the other super expensive question that screws you over. But what will people think? Yeah, that is one of the most expensive questions of all freaking time. I mean, personally, it's kept me in jobs too long. It's kept me quiet relationships. It's kept me running the book club longer than my gut told me to. Because as women, especially those of us who were raised with this side order of How to Be a good girl, we internalise this idea that quitting is somehow a failure. But what if quitting isn't weakness, what if quitting is actually a skill? What if it takes more courage to stop than it does to soldier on through it? And I've really had to unlearn the idea that walking away equals giving up, because, quite honestly, sometimes walking away is the only way home to your goddamn self, home to you. So how do you know when to stop? Honestly, you don't always know. You don't. But there are a few things that I've come to see as signs, almost like your gut going, Hello, are you there? You know, firstly, it starts to feel

Sarah Elizabeth  09:54

like a performance, like you're still doing the thing, but your heart's just not quite. In here, you just sort of going through the motions. It's almost like you've learned the script off by art, but you don't even know what stage you're supposed to be on anymore. And if you felt that, trust me, a lot of your sign. Secondly, I think it also it kind of ends up feeling almost like you're running on obligation rather than desire. You know, you feel heavy, tired, not in the hard day kind of way, but in the fuck am I still doing this kind of way you know, another glaring sign is that you notice yourself almost fantasising about what life would be like without the thing, not in a flippant, impulsive way, but in a peaceful, quiet kind of knowing. And then I think too, you start to get more clarity in the silence, like once you actually step away, even mentally, you feel a bit of relief. And the big kicker is that that relief is often your nervous system goes, thank you for the love of God, you finally noticed me. But the bit we don't talk enough about maybe is what happens after you walk away like you've recognised it's not right for you anymore. It ain't right you've made the decision you walk away, and then what comes is this bizarre kind of grief, even when you know, you know it's right, even when you're proud of the decision, even when you feel that energetic lift, there's still this weird kind of grief, because it mattered to you once it did and because you tried your best, you had a vision, you showed up fully, really bloody, gave you all, and it still wasn't the right thing for you. So if you're walking away from something right now and wondering why it still feels so fucking hard. Please know letting go of something that's no longer aligned for you does not mean it never mattered. It means you're brave enough to choose what matters now, what is right for you now. So I thought it might be helpful to share a couple of lessons I'm taking from walking away from the book club. You know, I learned the lessons so that you don't have to. I'm nice like that. So if you're in the middle of a pivot, these are the three lessons I wish someone had handed me quite honestly. So lesson one, I've already mentioned it, but I'm saying it again now. In case you missed it, send it louder for those at the back and all that you're longer you stay on the wrong train, the harder it is to get back home. You're not being a good person by dragging out. You're being a tired one. Think how much that shit is costing you, whether that's time, energy, physical, mental resources, is the payoff really worth keep going in the wrong fucking direction. And actually, let's talk a bit about the sunk cost fallacy for a second here, because that explains this so well. The sunk cost fallacy is this idea that just because you've given time or energy or money or emotion or something else into something, you've got to keep going. You have to keep going like somehow leaving now because it was all for nothing. What a waste. Only. That's total bollocks. And you know it, staying in something just because you've already invested in it makes no sense. Zero it's like buying a pair of shoes that give you blisters, but wearing them anyway because they're fucking expensive. It doesn't honour the investment. It just honours the fucking pain. You know? What? If the real win isn't how long you stick it out, but how brave you are when it no longer fits, huh? And lesson two other people don't live in your body. Love. Who cares what people think. They don't carry the weight, they don't feel the drain. You. I trust your inner knowing more than their outside perspective. Who's to say they're right anyway? Maybe you're right and they're wrong, you know. Trust your anger. And everyone thinks that they're doing the best for you, you know. But in reality, everyone's just doing the best with what they have, they haven't had the same experiences as you. They haven't got your level of insight. They're more comfy in the comfort zone, whatever it is, trust your own gut, not Jing down the co ops neighbour, you know? And lesson number three, timing matters. Yes, it does. But timing also isn't everything. Sometimes the timing is not going to be perfect. It won't. You might still have commitments. It might not be a straight con mum, but clarity doesn't always wait for convenience either. So if it starts to feel like it's all a big show, like a performance, it's probably time to rewrite the script. Love. So if the decision is made, what now? Well, I mean, for me in the book club now, I mean, I take the energy I was pouring into it, and I channel it somewhere that lights me up again, for me, that looks like building something new, something different, something simpler, even I don't know something built around the actual rhythm of my life and my clients, not what I think I air quotes should be doing to provide value, to make an impact, but that all might look different for you. Maybe it's not building something, maybe it's just resting. Maybe it's deleting the group chat. Maybe it's breaking up with a friend you've outgrown. Maybe it's closing the tabs, literally and emotionally, whatever it is, I want you to remember this. You are allowed to choose again. You're allowed to let go of the thing you love. If loving it is costing you too much right now, your reinvention doesn't need fucking round of applause, a standing ovation. It doesn't need to be public, doesn't need to be justified, doesn't need to be loud, dramatic or shared with your mum's mates cousin. It doesn't need any of that. It just needs to be honest, true to you, because that that's where the real invention starts, not with what you add, but sometimes with what you take away. So if this is your season, your era of stopping something, welcome to The Club, love. There's no shame here. Only clarity, courage, confidence. There's 100 new roads waiting now to be chosen. Now you've stepped off the wrong drain, and maybe, you know, maybe it's just that you have this low level feeling that something is a little bit off, but you're not sure at all what to drop, what to change, what to do. Then please, please, please, please, give yourself a massive fucking gift by downloading the one tool that changed everything. For me, it changed everything, and it's available for you free on the reinvention era website, the dash reinvention era.com the dash reinvention era.com It's basically your self on the page you and a whole new version of you waiting underneath, honestly, if you're ready to get out of your own end Turn into your reinvention. This is where you start, and it only takes about 1015, minutes, a pen, bit of paper and a bit of your brain. You don't need another 5am morning routine that you're going to feel guilty for skipping the next day. You don't need another blank journal staring at you from the bedside table, even if it does look pretty, you just need something that cuts through the bullshit, something real, something raw, something quick, and helps you find your truth again, find your alignment with where you're going, puts you on the right Goddamn train. So get yourself over to www dot the dash reinvention era.com, and get removing, redirecting, reinventing, whatever it is, just get going love, oh, actually, if

Sarah Elizabeth  19:53

you prefer a loving bitch slap to get your ass in gear, the badass AF at pep talk is over there and all. All for free. What more could you want? So if you have enjoyed this episode, right, and if you've taken anything from it at all, no matter how small, could you do your girl a favour and write and review the episode? It takes literally seconds and really, really helps, helps the podcast, reach people that needs. It helps us, helps you, it helps everyone love and also share away on Instagram. Do me a favour. Share on Instagram. Tag me at the underscore, re mention era while you're at it. I'm always happy to re share stories. Always tag me. So that's it for me. I've got big plans to go get excited about. So I will be back in your beauts badass earbuds again next week, same place, still reinventing but in our own fucking way. So until then, I am sending you so much love. Bye.